Faithful in the Fray

I'm not removed from the chaos, I'm faithful inside it.

wife, mama, friend. hope advocate.

Maizie 1 Publix 0

June 27, 2016

Jeremy had to unexpectedly go out of town late Friday night so it left little miss and me alone for the weekend. I’m used to Jeremy working weekends so I normally try and get as much done during the day while he is asleep that way when he wakes up we can hang out. I’ve made many a grocery store, Target, and even mall run during those hours and 98% of them have gone off without a hitch.

Yesterday I had run to Target to get a few things and while we were almost done, Maizie started to get extremely fussy. Now, normally, I just talk with her and sing and it calms her down, but this time she was mad. I realized that in the most rookie move ever I didn’t check to see if she had any paci’s in her diaper bag. The day before she had like eight in there, so I didn’t think anything of it. I was so tempted to buy a pack, but then how am I going to sterilize it? The struggle. So, I hurried myself along, checked out (our Target just got a self-checkout, praise the Lord) and got to the car. I figured I would let her eat a bit before going to the grocery store and so I hopped in the back seat, grabbed her bottle and let her go to town. She was doing fine until I went to pick her up and burp her and her entire bottle seemed to have just come back up with a vengeance. It was everywhere. I was already sweating because it was 98 degrees outside, but now I’m sitting in the backseat of the car, with vom-bomb everywhere. I figured she had enough for the time, and was falling asleep so I put her in her carseat and headed towards Publix.

I had never used the shopping cart that had a carseat slot in it before at Publix, and as I knew this was going to be a bigger shopping trip I was excited to use it! It was much taller than me, but I just looked around the seat and navigated my way through the aisles trying not to hit anyone. Maizie was sleeping as we got our meat from the deli and then as I gathered the produce. One lady made a comment about how great she was being, just sleeping away, and I nodded and said “I know, she does so great!” We rounded the corner to continue on to get some bacon and without missing a beat, she lets out the most blood curling scream I’ve ever heard. I stop in a bit of a shock unsure of what just happened and then proceed to talk with her and sing and make comments like ‘yes, I get it, I know you’re mad, mommy is almost done.’

I pass a couple Publix workers who could see the heat radiating from my face in embarrassment and asked if I needed any help. I politely told them no, I was almost done, but thank you for the offer. It was at that moment I realized that I had forgotten shredded cheese which was at the opposite end of the store. I turn around in the aisle and Maizie does that crying thing where it sounds like the kid stops breathing and so I figured she’d had enough and so I got her out of the carseat and tried to soothe her. Now, I’m trying to paint this in the best picture as possible. I’m standing there, cart full of groceries, giant carseat in front of my 5’5 frame leaving me blind to those behind, with Maizie in my arms. She continues to go from sobbing hysterically to being quiet and that’s when I head towards the checkout. I am navigating this cart with one hand on it and one arm carrying her. I wish I stopped to take a picture but at this point I was sweating so much I need to get the heck out of there. On my walk of shame to the checkout line I was so tempted to grab myself a bottle of wine, but knew that would only add fuel to her fire. Did I mention I didn’t pack any paci’s in her diaper bag? Rookie. Move.

I pull up to the checkout lane and proceed to hit the magazine rack with the Hummer of all shopping carts. I started to throw stuff on to the conveyor belt and when I missed and the cheese hit the ground a sweet teenage boy I’m sure will never have children now asked if he could help me unload the cart. Without hesitation I said yes and went to swipe my card to pay. It then took six tries before my card actually ran (I have no idea how much I spent at this point, I was just looking around awkwardly while my child is screaming her head off trying to leave as soon as possible) and the sweet teenage boy finished putting the bags in my cart. I started to walk away when I could tell he didn’t want to offer to help me to my car, but did anyways and I said yes.

It took approximately four minutes in the car for Maizie to stop screaming and fall back asleep.

the pictures have nothing to do with the story and everything to do with her not crying in them.
Welcoming Miss Maizie pt 3

June 13, 2016

I figured I would finish off the third and final part of Maizie’s birth story this Monday morning before I head back to work at the end of the week. Here is part one and part two if you missed them!

The rest of the C-section went smoothly. I was wheeled to post-op where I was given my purse, aka my pain medicine that went into my epidural, and waited patiently for Jeremy to come back to me. At this point, I don’t remember much other than finally being able to eat some ice chips, being so doped up on medicine that I talked ridiculously slow, and hearing my post-op neighbor’s husband call everyone he knew to tell them his kid weighed in at 10lbs 10oz. Ouch. Once Jeremy was back with me we called my parents to let them know that I was okay, Maizie was born, and she was doing great. Jeremy was an amazing daddy and got all her good information before heading back my way. They gave him a cute little pink card that gave her weight, height, date of birth, and more. They also gave us her foot prints and a picture of her. Jeremy and I called and texted people to let them know the good news as we waited to be transferred to my postpartum room and to finally see my pink stork. It sounds so silly, but since the first day I was admitted to the hospital and saw the pink and blue storks outside everyone’s room I couldn’t wait to be given mine. To me it symbolized that I had made it, full circle, and she was here.

my pink stork!!

After a rough night of trying to get comfortable, crying because I wanted to see my sweet baby girl, no sleep, and being checked on by nurses and techs every two hours, it was finally time. Around 5am my nurse came in and gave me a sandwich. Moment of silence for the best sandwich I’ve ever eaten. I hadn’t eaten since my beloved Jimmy Johns Thursday night so this was Heaven on a Saturday morning. About a half hour later my nurses were back to get me up for the first time and ready to go meet Maizie.

because today we snapchat everything 😉

About a quarter till 8am Jeremy wheeled me down to the 2^nd floor Special Care Nursery where this precious bundle of joy was waiting for me. I can’t even begin to describe the emotions that were coming over me on that elevator ride. It was time. The moment that I had been waiting my whole life for, to see my baby, was just around the corner. The NICU wasn’t nearly as scary as I imagined it to be. Yes you had the loud noises from the machines, but there was something so peaceful knowing that tiny, sick humans were working on being tiny, healthy humans. I washed my hands as quickly as they would allow and then I saw her. This tiny, remarkable, strong, beautiful baby girl. She was covered in wires from head to toe. Her oxygen mask covered the majority of her face, she had feeding tube down her throat, not to mention her heart rate monitor, pulse ox monitor, and thermometer. But you know what? She was perfect.

I couldn’t believe this baby that I was looking at had just hours before lived safely inside of my body. Looking at her in the flesh brought tears to my eyes and praise from my mouth. Jesus, Jesus, Jesus was all I could say. There were no other words that would come out. He had promised us redemption. He had declared my body healed. He had given us a miracle. During her feeding I was able to hold her for the first time. The moment as surreal as could be. She opened her tiny eyes and for a moment stared into mine. She knew my voice and my touch, and I could only hope she knew she would forever be safe in mommy’s arms. The next 15 days would bring every emotion imaginable to the table, but one Saturday morning we received a phone call that told us Maizie Jewell was ready to go home tomorrow. What a better day than Mother’s Day to walk out of the hospital, finally, a family of three.
Welcoming Miss Maizie pt 2

May 31, 2016

Here is the second part of my birth story with Maizie. If you missed the first part, check it out here.

It all seemed to happen so fast after we made the decision to do the C-section. I had my new nurse come in and get me all set up for surgery. We had to start another IV because the one they had started the day before was in a weird spot and wasn’t going nearly as fast as it needed to. My parents packed up the room, gave us big hugs, took all our belongings to the car, and went to the waiting room. My surgery was supposed to be at 3:30pm but because we made the call so late, and so much still had to be done to prep me, it didn’t look like we were getting to the OR anytime soon. My nurse was a former OR nurse and so she had so much information that she was giving me, which helped calm my nerves. For those of you who know me, you know I love to talk, but the minute they said ‘go’ it was like something went off inside of me and I was the quietest I’ve ever been. Once the majority of the fluids were in me they called the anesthesiologist to come and give me the epidural for surgery. I had heard stories about how weird it feels once you get it because you can’t feel your legs yet can still wiggle your toes. Such a strange concept. Well, a few minutes later, the anesthesiologist comes into the room and starts setting up. I had a few forms that I needed to sign and she starts prepping me. This is where things start to get a little crazy.

i didn’t take enough pictures during this crazy process so enjoy the tiniest little toes ever

All was going well during the process of placing the epidural, although feeling pressure at some points I really didn’t feel anything, until she was coming to a close and said ‘okay, have a safe delivery.’ My nurse gets these big eyes and says ‘you mean, C-section right?’ The anesthesiologist looks at her and says ‘uh.. wait, I thought you were having a vaginal delivery, not C-section. I didn’t give you the proper dosage for a C-section.’

EXCUSE ME.

After what seemed like an eternity, she said ‘that’s okay, I can fix it, let me just make a few phone calls.’ More people entered into the room and as the epidural started working I began to go numb and could only hear small bits and pieces of what they were planning on doing to make sure I was numb all the way to my chest, and not just belly button. A thousand thoughts were running through my mind and I remember looking at my nurse and asking her if I was going to be alright and with the most reassuring eyes she told me everything was going to be great and they just needed to give me more medicine. My new best friend and nurse anesthetist, Parker, entered the room and came to the rescue. They told me what was going to happen and that they would keep checking to see if I could feel things or not. They also explained that with an epidural it can cause your blood pressure to drop and so they would be monitoring me closely in case other medicines or procedures needed to take place. I mentioned to them I run a notoriously low BP as just a warning. After what seemed like an eternity, I was all prepped and ready to go. Jeremy was gowned up, I had my hairnet on, and they started wheeling me to surgery. Other than getting my wisdom teeth out I haven’t had surgery in my adult life, so this was a very scary and new process for me. I was extremely overwhelmed and couldn’t believe the moment I had been waiting months and months for was about to happen. I was going to meet Maizie.

jeremy all ready to go outside the OR!

Jeremy waited outside the room as they got everything into place and my amazing Dr. came over to me and told me what was going to happen, giving me constant reassurance that things were okay. She even mentioned to me that when she saw Jeremy outside the room he had the biggest smile on his face. He was so ready to be a daddy. Before I knew it they walked Jeremy in and placed him right by my head. Within minutes they started the surgery and Jeremy and I put our heads together and started to pray. We prayed and prayed and prayed until we heard Maizie cry for the first time. God had so perfectly directed every step of this and we knew we had to go to Him during these moments before and thank Him for all He had done. Jeremy stood up and took those first pictures of Maizie and with a tiny breath she let out the smallest cry. That was all I needed to know she was okay. Jeremy and I started to cry and in the back of my mind I heard Parker say “wow, there is something so real about the power of prayer.”

Within an instant I had a hard time catching my breath, causing my blood pressure to drop, which in turn made me extremely nauseous to the point of getting sick. I knew I had to try and stop this fast, as I only had one moment of seeing Maizie in the OR before she was taken to the NICU, a place I couldn’t go for at least 12 hours. Unfortunately, when they brought her over to me I saw this sweet bundled up baby for a split second before getting sick a few more times and within an instant Jeremy and Maizie were gone.

our sweet angel in the nicu her first night.