Faithful in the Fray

I’m t-minus four days until my 26^th birthday. I love my birthday. Always have. It’s a great reminder of where I’ve been the last year, and what I have to look forward too. I wrote a post last year about 25 things I wanted to do during my 25^th year and I’m going to be honest with y’all. I didn’t complete all 25. And while I could be really discouraged because I didn’t complete the goal, I’m actually really proud of myself for completing 19 of them!

1. I took a Barre3 class at the gym. It was intimidating, hard, comical, and all around a really fun experience. I went with a few of my friends and that made it even better.
2. I swapped take a dance class with take a vocal lesson. See previous post!
3. Run a 5k. Alexis and I did this, this past September. What a fun experience. Everyone should do a color run.
4. This is my 6^th post on my blog this year. And wow am I proud of myself for that.
5. Travel somewhere new as a family. We went to St. Simons Island together for our very first vacation! 
6. Record a video of myself singing. Jeremy recorded one of the songs I lead during worship last November and I shared it. I wanted to crawl in a hole afterwards, but I did it!
7. Turn my phone off for a day. We went apple picking for Jeremy’s birthday last year and I left my phone at home. Can I just admit how naked I felt? It’s so sad when a small device can make you feel so vulnerable.
8. Get another tattoo. YES! I finally got ‘it is well’ on my arm.
9. Make an entire meal from scratch. I’ve cooked more this last year than I have in my entire life.
10. Write letters to my handful. I was intentional about writing to those that mean the absolute world to me. I need to get better at making sure I write to people more often. It’s such a lost art of communication.
11. Read 10 new books. I technically read 80 books a night with Maizie, but I tried to be intentional about finding really good books for me to read. Both for fun, and for learning.
12. Apple pick in the fall. We did this for Jeremy’s birthday!
13. Have a picnic in the park. For Maizie’s birthday weekend we brought kites and lunch and stayed for a while.
14. Start dreaming of my book. I’ve got things in the works I can’t tell you about just yet..
15. Go to the beach. YES. When we went to St. Simons there was a beach. And then I got to go again when I was in Tampa, and Jeremy and I are going in two months!
16. Swear less. I just would like to give myself a round of applause.
17. Dye my hair. Oh honey, it’s been too long but yes, I did get my hair done this year.
18. Work hard at knocking out our debt. One step at a time, we’re taking it by storm.
19. Be intentional at reading my Bible and journaling more. I’m going through a lot of transformative stuff right now internally and externally, and through that, I have been spending more time in the Word and writing. I’m really thankful for that.

So there is my list. 19 things that I wanted to do / never done before. Apart from this list we went to concerts, I traveled more than ever, we had good quality family time together, and some of our best friends came to visit. I’m looking forward to year 26. Bring it on.

I’m about to tell you something that not many people know.

And maybe after this blog post like five more people will know, but that’s okay.

It’s something that I’ve been dreaming of for years.

I’d say probably since I was six or so.

I pushed the desire aside for the last two decades because, well, life.

And then I didn’t think that it was even something that I needed anymore.

But yet, from time to time, the desire came back like a flood.

And so, I did something about it.

I asked some questions and sent some e-mails and before I knew it, I had set a date.

The six year old inside of me is rejoicing.

The almost twenty-six year old me is nervous.

Which is how I know it’s the right thing to do.

Now, for those who know me know me, you might think this is crazy,

But hear me out.

When you have a dream inside of you for as long as I have,

Don’t you think you owe it to yourself to pursue that dream?

I think so.

So no matter how nervous I am,

Or how many people will tell me that I don’t need to do this,

It doesn’t matter.

Because I’m doing this for me.

(see previous post on self-care)

So, in just seven days…

I will have my first private vocal lesson.

*gasp!* *squeal* *eye-roll?*

Yes, me.

It’s time.

And I’m so stinking excited.

I started a new job back in April. It was a hard decision to leave the company I had been at for the last four years, but when opportunity knocks, sometimes you need to answer.

I was nervous leaving the comfort of my cubical, the predictability of each day, and the relationships I had made, but the scent of a fresh start was almost intoxicating.

When I started my new job there was mention of a few training’s that were going to take place, but only one was on my immediate horizon.

Well, fast forward to my first week of work and I was given the opportunity to go on three different training trips, all places I’ve never been before.

Now, most of you would find this shocking, but I don’t really like to be alone, alone. Now, I like going into my bedroom to read while Jeremy watches TV but I’m not actually alone, ya know what I mean? Anyways, these trips meant that I would be alone while I traveled and then most evenings once the training’s were over.

I could’ve looked at this scenario a couple different ways. I could’ve flown in, got my rental, found my hotel, and camped until the next day, or I could’ve created an adventure out of the whole thing.

I chose the latter.

My first trip had me flying into Omaha and driving the hour to Lincoln, Nebraska.

It was beautiful.

And full of corn.

I checked into my hotel and hit the ground running. I pulled out my phone and found a sandwich shop about half a mile away and decided to walk. Typically I do anything to avoid physical activity as I’m not in the best shape of my life, so the walk was very unusual for me.

But you know what?

I loved it! I got to feel the wind in my hair, I got sunglasses marks on my nose, my tennis shoes and shorts combo were out of this world cute, and I was thriving.

After lunch I walked back to the hotel and made my way a bit further away to a sunken garden where I explored a hidden gem in the heart of Lincoln. I prayed my way through and had just enough time to drive over to the Capital to join in on a tour and take the Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory elevator to the 14^th floor rotunda where you could see for miles.

It was a beautiful day. And I spent it by myself!

Many of you reading this know that I’ve been in counseling for the last two years and something I’ve been learning about is who I truly am, deep down to my core.

Hidden behind layers of insecurities is this woman that longs for adventure and flying by the seat of her pants, yet life and trauma have caused her to stay buried deep down for fear of failure or looking stupid.

Not anymore. It’s why my list of 25 things for my 25^th birthday was so important to me. And I’ve knocked off so many more of the items than I thought I would. I still have about six weeks left until I come up with 26 more things to do this upcoming year!

My next trip was just last week to Tampa. I’ve been to Orlando before with my parents, but never down to Florida by myself. I had heard amazing things about the beaches in Clearwater, so I arrived, got my car, and headed straight towards the beach. I made it an hour later after driving over beautiful bridges and couldn’t believe my eyes—it was beautiful.

I FaceTimed with Jeremy and Maizie to show them where I was at and afterwards I sat and soaked in the sunset. Sure I may have felt a bit strange in my shorts, t-shirt, and jacket on a beach filled with people in their bathing suits, but this was my journey and I was proud to be living it.

The next day after my training was over I drove back to Clearwater, but this time to the Marine Aquarium. I haven’t seen the movies Dolphin Tale 1 or 2, but it still was such a neat experience. Seeing the animals and hearing the stories of how they came to be there was so educational, and something I genuinely wanted to learn about.

Towards the end of my time there I called Maiz and asked her what kind of stuffed animal she wanted me to get her and of course my kid said the Octopus… so that’s what I got her. She may have been slightly terrified of it, but enjoys playing with it during the day time.

I’m proud of myself for not missing moments on these trips.

I’m proud that I got out of my comfort zone and spent time riding with the windows down (and AC up because momma don’t play with the heat) and singing at the top of my lungs.

I ate dinner alone at a restaurant and caught up on my reading.

I was intentional at making sure I practiced a different form of self-care than usual, when in all actuality, I normally don’t practice any at all.

Next week I have my last trip for a while. I’m heading to Portland, Oregon, and I couldn’t be more excited.

Don’t miss out on life just because your insecurities are making you feel silly. Tell your insecurities to go away and LIVE. I’m saying yolo a lot lately which is so 2013 of me, but for real.

Live your best life.