Faithful in the Fray

My thin place.

My sacred place.

The place that has seen the most tears.

Held the most heavy conversations.

Heard the deepest cries from a scared, tired, worried, grieving, pain-filled, angry, hopeless, Sara as she petitioned the Gates of Heaven.

Listened to the whispers of the words I’m pregnant after years and years.

Held space for the wrestling of the should we/shouldn’t we as we navigate the season we’re stepping into.

This closet has seen me, the real me, for the last 5 years.

When Maizie was in the middle of her PANDAS flares and I’d need a mom-minute, I’d sit in the closet.

When big decisions had to be made and I didn’t want any other voices to cloud my thoughts, I’d sit in the closet.

When we talked through fostering & eventually adopting, I sat in the closet and prayed.

When I worried during pregnancy, I’d sit in silence, weeping, letting peace wash over me, in the closet.

When I got really difficult news, if I wasn’t there initially, I’d make my way there immediately.

My kids knew, if they can’t find mom, look in the closet.

This season we’re in the midst of has kept me in the closet. Job loss, financial hardship, moving, amongst many other things. It’s been heavy, but it hasn’t crushed me.

My closet has been a thin place to meet with Jesus. Sometimes I say nothing but know He’s there by the calm I feel. Sometimes I ask so I can listen, keeping a journal close by in case He wants to say anything back. Above all, it’s a place He lets me be me, and He meets me there every time.

Tonight is the last night in this closet. When I first sat here many moons ago we were a family of 3, and tonight as I snapped a couple pictures with my guys, I was reminded, yet again, of the promise this family of 5 represents.

Thank you, Jesus for this space.

This weekend was full of my best friends and it made my heart so happy.

My best friend who makes me feel like I’m 47 but also 22 turned 24 on Saturday so we made a road trip down to the coast of Georgia and picked up our 3 hour away bestie to spend 24 hours together laughing, crying, eating, and celebrating.

Sunday my foster mom friend turned best mom friend and I road tripped to Charlotte to see a live show of a podcast she’s listened to for over six years. I did admit on the drive up I only knew one of the co-hosts and had zero context for what we were about to watch and be part of, but spending time with her was the most important part of the 24 hours for me and to please give me as much context as possible!

Road trips have a way of creating organic conversation for which I’m eternally grateful for, and after 16+ hours in the car between Friday & Monday, many conversations happened.

I’ve been in a season where it’s hard for me to sit down and be as intentional with my friendships as I have been in the past. My mental health took a toll earlier this year, my kids require a lot of hands on care, which I’m grateful to offer, my job is keeping my mind busy, and then there’s the whole being a wife and spending time with my guy best friend thing.

So yeah, hours and hours in the car were a lot, but the conversations were exactly what my heart needed.

Last night as we were in the middle of cleaning up dinner I stopped everything and asked the family if they wanted to go get ice cream. As you can imagine, we were met with resounding squeals and enthusiasm.

Our current chapter of life has us turning pages hesitantly, unsure what will be written, however we do know there’s always room for ice cream on the page.

Maizie is a sugar cone queen, has been forever. I truly do not understand why she’d ever pass up a waffle cone, they are superior.

Jake is obsessed with the Dino sundae, however the Dino cookie always ends up falling on the floor.

Cal? He just loves whatever we offer him right now.

While the kids started running around shortly after their sugar high, Jerm & I stopped for a quick picture! We don’t take them often enough these days and while the days are long the years are short and I love looking at our love thru the years, so we have to make sure we have evidence!!

Okay bye.