Faithful in the Fray

I'm not removed from the chaos, I'm faithful inside it.

wife, mama, friend. hope advocate.

  • wait, whats my name again?

    Radical transformation. Two words that mean you’ve been changed forever. We’ve all seen the shows on TV where someone goes in looking one way, and in a few days or even some months later they leave looking like a completely different person, inside and out. The reactions from others come in all different forms they can scream, cry, jump up and down, or shower them with compliments. In the end the person is always described in the same way: transformed.

    The first trip I had taken with AIM was back in the fall of 2010 with the formally known ‘Real Life’ program. Our trip was to Kenya for three months. To say that I went in one way and came out another would be an understatement. The Lord wrecked my world, and brought me to life. I found out who I was really in Christ, and who the Lord had created me to be. I went home knowing that I would never go back to the person that I once was, but didn’t really know where to go from there.

    Fast forward to this January when I left my home once again, as a leader this time, to go back to Africa for four months. I knew that the Lord was going to change/grow/mold me more this time, but I wasn’t exactly sure in what ways and how much. Can I just say that I love it when the Lord surprises me? Because I really do… I honestly can’t even pinpoint when the transformation happened in my life because it has been so gradual. I do remember when we came to Nairobi for midterm debrief (after being in the bush for the past 27 days with no shower/mirror/clean clothes/running water) taking my first shower and looking in the mirror not even recognizing myself. I have to say, I freaked a bit. I was having my own identity crisis.  It was really weird and unexplainable. So, I did what every person would do, I talked to a few people about the transformation going on in my life and they were super supportive and loved what was happening. I however, wanted it to stop immediately.

    When you’ve looked the same way for the past, well forever, and suddenly you start to change, things get a little scary. It’s a vulnerable state to be at, letting people really see you and get to know you. Praying through this the Lord continued to speak to me and let me know that more was coming and that He was proud of me for allowing the change to happen. Not knowing what all the meant I continued to pursue the Lord and ask Him what else needed to change in my life. That, of course, is always a dangerous thing to ask.

    Arriving in Tanzania I had this new-found confidence in who I was as a daughter of the Most High. I woke up and daily renewed my identity in Christ and spoke truth into my own life. While I thought I was walking more confidently in who I was, the Lord spoke to me, and told me that I was actually hiding who I really was. Wait a second, I though I figured that whole thing out. But, I was wrong. In this instance He was talking about my name. You see I’ve gone by Lizzie since the 2nd grade, and never anything different (unless it’s my family talking to me.) The nickname stuck and I liked it. I never saw myself as anything other than a “Lizzie.” Short. Sweet. Easy to hide behind. But it is time to come out of hiding! The name I thought I didn’t deserve, the Lord is giving back to me. So, no longer will I be a short, simple, easy to hide behind ‘Lizzie’ but I will walk confidently in my God-given name, Sara Elizabeth. Not so short, not so simple, and definitely not easy to hide behind. I know my radical transformation is a work in progress, but I feel like my identity crisis is finally over.
    This is me while in Uganda at the Nile River, the first 3 days in Africa.

    This is me at home last week.

  • My ‘Family’

    To say that leaving this time around is hard would be an understatement. Gut-wrenching, would be the more appropriate term. Leaving for Kenya was much easier. I didn’t have many friends to come back too, I wasn’t actively involved in community, I didn’t really have a church I was 100% committed too, and I wasn’t very happy with where I was at all. It was hard to say goodbye or I’ll see you later to my family but other than that I was fully content to go.

    When I returned from Kenya I immediately wanted to return to Africa. I hated being home, I didn’t like that all my new found best friends were going back to their own lives and moving on. I felt as if I didn’t belong here in America anymore. I longed for being in that constant state of prayer and asking God for the impossible, because God doesn’t like petty prayers. It was so easy as soon as I returned to go back to some of my old habits. I thought that I changed so much in Kenya that I wouldn’t struggle with the same things when I returned. But, just like with anything, if you want change you have to work for it. So, I get an e-mail mid-December and I was asked to go and lead a trip that summer, 2011, with AIM. I thought, wow, here it is. What I have been waiting for: an out. Something to get me back out into Africa or some other place and lead a trip and be back with God all the time. Unfortunately, things just didn’t work out. And I was stuck.

    A couple weeks later my friend Ashley had been babysitting backstage at this church called ‘Passion City’ and asked if when she left for Kenya for four months if I would be willing to take over for her. I went one Sunday and completely fell in love with the kids and decided to take the job. I spent the next months going to this church but never actually attending a service, which was a real let down because I wanted too so bad! Rolling into summer time the church started a service for 18-25 year old’s on Wednesday nights called “Summer in the City.” Since I had been attending the church for a little less than 6 months I decided well, its probably about time to go to a service, even if its not on Sunday and meet some people. The first few weeks it was just me, my sister, and my friend Arlie. We didn’t meet anyone new and I thought “Man, this is going no where. I hope I actually make new friends!”             Ashley and I at my going away dinner.      

    Well, when you say those things, God surely listens. The next week this random girl, who is now one of my best friends, came up and invited my sister and I out to eat after service. We thought, ‘hey, what do we have to lose, it’s not like we know anyone anyways.’ little did we know that night was going to change my life forever.

    I ended up meeting the greatest friends I’ve ever had in my entire life. They have seriously molded me and shaped me into who I am today, and I am forever grateful because of that. Those new friends; Kasey, Drake, Ayers, Jon, Zach O, Jacob, Nich, Andrew, Kirby, Lisandro, Tatum, Leah, Frank, Ashley..to name a few, have become my family. Some of us fight, some of us challenge each other, we all encourage each other, and we all laugh so much and have so much joy. I couldn’t imagine my life without these people in it. Whether they are all going to be in my life forever, or just for a season, I know right now they were put into my life for a reason.

    Kasey and I at my going away dinner….

    There is no doubt God hand-picked each one of them for moments like these, as I get ready to leave for 4 months. Goodbyes have always been easy for me, because I don’t get attached. This time though, everything was different. As I called my sister last night crying, after hugging each one of these people numerous times, she said ‘don’t worry, they won’t forget about you. God knew how hard this was going to be. He wouldn’t have put them in your life just to have them leave you. They’ll be here when you get back.’

    I hold onto those words as I get ready to leave. I know without a shadow of a doubt that this is what I am supposed to be doing. I’m supposed to go and be the hands and feet of Jesus. I am supposed to pray the impossible, see the unforgettable, and do the unimaginable. I know that God is with me and each member of my family. I hold onto the fact that I have a community to come back to when I return. I have a church I love and am actively involved in. I have some place I want to be, and a place that needs me.

    To my ‘family’: I love you guys, thank you for your support and encouragement. I wouldn’t be the same without you. I’ll see you in May. We’ll make sure to have an epic dance party upon my arrival back.

    My Family.

  • 56 days.

    Getting ready for my upcoming trip to Africa is definitely different this time around. I am more mature spiritually, I am more open-minded, I have more faith, I believe more in the miraculous works of God, I am more ready physically, and I know a tad-bit more information of how AIM works and how they do their ministry.

    Although I have been preparing for this trip for a while, it is really just now starting to hit me that I am doing this, again. I know that people think I am crazy. I have even been told that ‘Africa isn’t worth it’ and that I should just ‘get it out of my system while I am young’ My heart genuinely broke when I was told these things. Not because they didn’t believe in what I was doing, but that they didn’t think that broken, starving, hurting, hopeless, dying people were worth it. These people that have no hope, no means to get food,  and no way of living anywhere but a dirty, bug infested cardboard box. If I could reach just one person, and make an impact on their life, then I know that I am doing exactly what God has called me to do at that instant.

    I know that God is going to use me, and each one of the participants on this trip, that is just how He works. But, the way that He uses us beforehand is incredible. I don’t know how many people that I have been able to tell at work about my trip just because I am working the drive-thru or the bar, making drinks, and they see one of my bracelets or one of my earrings and I have the opportunity to let them know what I am doing. As Christians, we are called to spread love and light to the world, and I feel like I have been given such a wonderful job that I am able to share God in all different ways. Even if it is just a smile, or a ‘have a nice day’ I know that I am being used, and that they noticed something different in me, God, that is.

    These remaining 56 days before I pack up my life into a hiking pack and set off on a journey that will, again, change me forever are the most important. In the midst of working 3o+ hours a week, the Holiday’s coming up, and then Passion Conference 2012, I haven’t been able to give 100% of my focus to fundraising. I know that it is going to happen, because I know that God wants me to go, and He has even given me a leadership role this time around. Leading a life of ministry and going out and doing what God wants us to do is hard, and it requires people to make sacrifices. Including myself. Please be praying alongside me that the money comes in, and that people will find it in their hearts to support someone who has a calling of ministry.

    If you feel led to donate, please go to http://adventures.org/give/donate.asp?giveto=partFund //  Then choose “The Passport” under the drop down menu and then enter my name.

    Every penny helps, and I know that God is going to use people like you, maybe even a stranger, to send me on this journey. Thank you so much in advance.

    Lizzie.