Faithful in the Fray

For those of you who are just tuning into my series of posts while being in the hospital, please see part one here and part two here.

The rest of the week was pretty quiet. I only had my mom or Jeremy with me for a few days, as I was so tired, my body ached, and I just didn’t want to have to be ‘on’ in front of people visiting. Friday night I was feeling much better and had some of my best friends come and entertain me until late in the night. The beauty of this hospital is that there’s not set visiting hours, so you can come and go when you want, as long as I’m okay with it! So, it made the long week of not being allowed out of my room, and having no one else visiting a lot better! Oh, did I forget to mention that at this point, it had been nine days and I still had not stepped foot outside of my room unless it was for ultrasounds. I was only able to get up and go to the bathroom and get a shower and then immediately get back into bed. This was probably the biggest shock I had upon being admitted. My doctor didn’t even want me getting a shower for the first two weeks I was here in case something were to happen. Y’all. No. I’m so thankful someone else made that call and I was able too.

Jeremy’s dad surprised us and planned a trip down for the long weekend. Originally we had set up this weekend as a babymoon getaway with two of our very best friends, so Jeremy had the entire weekend off, which was the biggest blessing. He arrived Saturday morning and I know Jeremy was the happiest guy in the world that he got to see Papa Bear (soon to be Papa G) and go on some fun adventures. While the boys were out playing I was able to have some time to hang out, catch up on my writing, and just reflect on what was going on.

** Sidenote:** I’m not going to lie to you. Since being in the hospital I have had to release fear each and every day. Being here makes you hyper-aware of everything going on with your body and your baby and when you have nurses come in multiple times a day asking how you are every normal pregnant pain could mean something is wrong in your head since this is all so new. There have been hours spent looking at the heart rate monitor making sure she was still alive, only to be proven over and over that she is indeed okay, and alive in there.

The next Tuesday was a day I will never forget being here in the hospital. I was woken up very early and sent downstairs for an ultrasound. Everything seemed to be going okay, until they tried to get some practice breathing on film. We waited for thirty minutes before the tech left and sent the doctor in to try and see if he could get her to do her practice breathing. When he was unable too, we came back upstairs where I was told not to eat or drink, as I was going to be put on the monitor for a non stress test on her heart. They were looking for variances in her heart rate for thirty minutes and if she failed it, then it could mean that she is starting to show signs of being in distress and she could have to come out. I wish I could tell you that I kept it together, but my heart sunk and I started to cry. I spent the next thirty minutes watching her heart rate stay at a consistent 138-140bpm. She failed the test.

They had decided to call someone to administer an IV and start getting me on some fluids in case we were going to do a c-section later that day. My nurse came in and told me that I should try and eat something to see if that helps, as I had nothing in the last twelve hours. Before getting something to eat, they sent in someone to get my IV started. Y’all. It took SIX sticks before they got it going. I’ve never ever been stuck more than one time when it comes to taking blood or anything like that. I was so severely dehydrated that my veins kept blowing causing them to not be able to get it to work. Finally, they got one going in my hand and I thought I was going to cry. I spent the next week and a half with bruises all over my arms from where they attempted to stick me. After eating and putting me back on the monitor, Maizie started to do beautifully. She was having accelerations all over the place and at 4pm we went back downstairs for an ultrasound to make sure everything was alright, and it was! I had successfully avoided having a baby that day.

The rest of the week went in a blur, and by the end of it, we had more family come down from Pennsylvania. It was so awesome to be able to spend time with my brother and sister-in-law, especially before little miss was here! Jeremy and I had a blast. It was also the first time I was able to leave my room in 16 days!!! I went to the cafeteria and sat outside and was so happy.

Easter Sunday was a bit of a weird day for me. Last Easter is when Jeremy and I found out that our Everett had gone to Heaven. I tried to avoid the day, and not pay much attention to things as it brought back all sorts of emotions. I was in the same hospital, one year later, this time with sweet Everett’s sister. My family came down in the evening to bring Jeremy and I a late lunch and my sweet niece even had an egg hunt in the hospital room. It’s so much fun seeing her each time she is able to come and visit! She will peak her head around the curtain and scream ‘SAY SAY’ and run into my arms and it’s one of the best feelings in the world! I may not be around every day, but she hasn’t forgotten me, and knows I’m here with her little cousin!

Being here in the hospital has taught me so much more than I could have ever thought. It allows you to choose between two different paths. You can either be very positive and think with a pure heart, knowing that while the circumstances aren’t ideal, they could be a lot worse, or you could sit in misery, complaining each day that you hate where you’re at. The fact that my water broke at 27 weeks, but with modern medicine we have prevented me from going into labor for almost six weeks, is nothing short of a miracle. Each day that I’m pregnant I know I’m doing exactly what I’m supposed too and that Maizie is where she needs to be. I’ve talked to numerous staff members here in HRP and they’ve all said that walking into my room has been so different than most. I was over the moon about that. To me, it meant that we had allowed Jesus and His presence into the room and people could tell something was different. I didn’t want this to be a place of sadness and depression (which has happened since I’ve been here and I’ll elaborate more later) but a place of joy, because miss Maizie is doing beautifully, and she is going to be the best little girl when she is born. In my head I kept telling myself that if this was the worst thing I could do to ensure my daughters safety, then I think I’ll be okay…