Faithful in the Fray

Y’all. I’m so sorry that I haven’t written in a while. Life has been a bit crazy and after the overwhelming outpouring of love from my last post I wasn’t quite sure where to go from there. But alas, I have something to talk about.

If you remember in my previous post I had mentioned finding out about having Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome when I was 19 years old. After changing my eating and workout habits the past few years as well as taking my medicine I have been able to slowly manage my symptoms and have felt better than ever. One thing that comes along with having PCOS is the horrifying statistics of getting pregnant and pregnancy itself. Most people that have this disorder struggle with getting pregnant for years. They try fertility treatments, medicines, and anything else they can get their hands on. Getting pregnant is just the first step as 45-50% of PCOS pregnancies end in a miscarriage. While those statistics are overwhelming and disheartening, I know that My God is bigger and He is in the business of making miracles happen!

Jeremy and I knew that it could take a while to conceive and so we prayed about it, and decided now or never. After about six months (I know that isn’t a long time, but patience has never been a top quality of mine) of crying over negative pregnancy tests I knew I had to do something, so I called my doctor. I had a doctor’s appointment scheduled on February 16th to talk about fertility. I wanted to know what I could be doing differently, and how my odds looked now, opposed to a few years ago. I know from past experience that they offer free pregnancy tests while at the doctor and so my plan was to not take any tests until I went. Jeremy mentioned something in passing about wanting to be there when I took the next one, that way we knew together either way. I thought that was fair, and so I planned on taking a test before I went.

At the beginning of February, during the second service of church (I was only there for the first, but Jeremy was drumming and attended both) our Pastor gave a word at the very end of service. I’ve heard from many people it was something along the lines of ‘there’s a young couple here that have been told it’s impossible to have a baby, but God wants you to start preparing your home, because it’s going to happen..’ Now, Jeremy was drumming and so from his side of things, he heard it, but didn’t really do anything about it because he was focused elsewhere, which is why he didn’t share it with me. A few hours later I get a text from my brother and he shared with me that the Lord had told him that we were going to find out we were pregnant and then our Pastor had given that Word that exact day. These aren’t the only two that have shared words with us either. A few other people from church have told us, as well as one of my close friends. I couldn’t fully grasp what was happening, so I ignored it for a couple of days, not wanting to get my hopes up.

Tuesday, February 10th I decided I was going to go to Kroger on my lunch break and buy a test just for the heck of it. So, I bought a test, took it, waited a few minutes and watched one bright pink line followed by a faint pink line show up on the test. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. IS THIS REAL LIFE? I immediately shoved the test in my purse and went back to my desk. I asked a close co-worker of mine to read the test because I wanted to see if I was making it up in my head or not. She confirmed. The test said positive. I took a picture of the test and called my sister and then my mom. They also confirmed. I was pregnant. I couldn’t believe it so I chugged a cup of water and took the second test. Two pink lines. Now, I had never gotten a positive result before so I wasn’t going to get my hopes up just yet. After work I planned on going to Target to buy a different brand of tests just to confirm. My sister helped me think of a cute way to tell Jeremy when the test said positive so the first step was to get another set of pink lines. I rushed through target, bought the test and hurried to the bathroom. I waited and waited and all of a sudden it said what I had feared the most: Not Pregnant. I texted my sister and mom and told them the bad news. I left target, sobbing, feeling a loss already.

My mom called me a few minutes later and told me that sometimes you can get a false negative on a test if you’ve drank too much water. Uh oh. Remember all those cups of water I had been chugging? I still didn’t want to get my hopes up and as I walked into our apartment, I hugged Jeremy, cried and pulled out the tests from my purse. “positive, positive, negative.” Y’all, I was at my prime right there. Jeremy being the darling that he is, said “wait it said positive!? That’s so good!” I didn’t want to celebrate or talk about it until I knew for sure, and so we ate junk food and tried to sleep.

I couldn’t sleep at all so around 4am I snuck out of bed and took another test. The entire time I was praying until I saw the words: Pregnant. I wanted to scream! I ran into our room, pulled a very sleepy, very blind Jeremy out of bed and showed him the results. I was just around three-four weeks. We celebrated together, no pictures, no videos, and it was better than I could’ve ever imagined. I sent the confirmation text to my mom and sister around 4:30am and I knew they were celebrating as well with me.

I got to make a pretty amazing phone call to the doctor that morning. I called and canceled my fertility appointment. I then called and scheduled my first appointment with the baby doctor. Two weeks felt like forever but the day was finally there. February 24th we got to see our baby for the first time. I had talked to the doctor about the medical conditions I had and when I mentioned PCOS he told me very bluntly “there is NO possible way you have PCOS, you wouldn’t be pregnant right now if you did.” I sat there, in shock, looking at my child thinking of the miracle that had taken place inside of me. This baby wasn’t supposed to happen, I was told it was impossible, and the years of fertility treatments others have gone through is proof, yet here I was. I left on cloud nine, posting a picture for the entire world to (finally) see! Jeremy and I are going to be parents.

We got to go back this morning to see our baby again, this time on the ‘big screen.’ He was measuring a whopping seven millimeters, the heartbeat was 120 beats per minute and he’s due around October 24th. While many people wait until the first trimester (scary zone) is over with, Jeremy and I knew from the beginning that my being pregnant was a miracle and something worth celebrating. We didn’t want to live in fear of the ‘what-ifs’ and so we decided right away to let people know. I’m only 6 ½ weeks pregnant right now, even though the doctors thought I was close to eight, and am feeling okay.

My eight week transformation ended up looking a tad bit different than I had expected in the beginning, but let’s be honest, this is the best thing that could’ve ever happened.